Social Isolation

Courtesy of V-RAG August Edition

My September article is on Cancer Facts for Gay Men. Read it in print in the current edition of V-RAG Magazine.

Catch my health and wellness column in V-RAG Magazine. Pick it up in coffee shops and lobbies around town. www.v-rag.com

For those of you that cant, here is August's article :)

For many queer individuals, the trauma they experience in their life manifests into symptoms of an avoidant personality. Hurt by a history of humiliation or aggression, some gay individuals have unconsciously chosen to opt out much of life’s rough and tumble. They have stopped taking risks because they are afraid of experiencing more humiliation or hurt. The motivating factor in their life becomes: how do I avoid such painful rejection? The answer seems to be obvious – don’t put yourself into any situation where it might occur. However, the result is loneliness and depression and an ever decreasing ability to make social contacts that could improve the quality of one’s life. Even within a relationship, this tendency will lead one to emphasize autonomy and competition, rather than closeness and intimacy.

There are a few core efforts which can make breaking out from isolation a little easier.

1) Make a pact and plan your change:

Decide whether you are ready to make the effort. Make a commitment to yourself. You will need motivation to move forward. Motivation and reward seem pretty straight forward but the secret is not to overwhelm yourself. Set tangible, realistic and appropriate goals. Reaching even a small goal will compel you and make it easier to move on to your next challenge.

Try identifying an activity that you have a great deal of interest in and, instead of doing it alone, set a goal to invite someone to do that activity with you. For instance, if you like hiking the grind, ask the hipster vegan coworker down the hall if he wants to go with you this Sunday. Being in an environment you enjoy is a much easier way to get to know someone.

2) Overcome the fear of your sexuality and learn to love yourself

If you have ever felt that awful withering sensation when someone draws attention to your sexuality in a negative way, then it is likely that you are at least slightly uncomfortable being gay. If you are comfortable with your love for yourself, every aspect of yourself – including your sexuality – you will be much more comfortable in new social situations. You can’t be loved by everyone. Although it seems simple, this is a core thought which many people have not realized. Embrace that idea and believe it. Once you have internalized it, you’ve taken a major step forward.

Although it might seem like a silly exercise, try writing down a list of good things you know about yourself. Include your sexuality. How has it positively contributed to your life? Don’t be modest when making your list.

3) Practice effective social skills

You will find it surprisingly useful and rewarding to make an active attempt at identifying and improving specific social skills. Visualize when alone and practice when you have incidental opportunities.

-Approaching skills: being able to start talking to someone who you don't know well.

-Making frequent eye contact.

-Noticing other people's feelings.

-Assertiveness: say what you are feeling without being aggressive or getting personal.

This article is far too short to provide coaching on all of these. You may choose to seek structured guidance and perspective. HIM has professional counselors, peer counselors, and strategic advisors who can help. Contact Hans Bosgoed, at hans@checkhimout.ca or by calling 604.488.1001 ext 223.

After a while you will find yourself more engaged and you will look forward to challenging your social skill. As your confidence rises, so will your ability to experience the rewarding diverse relationships and social interactions you deserve in your life.

It's Hottest at the Start

This summer HIM (Health Initiative for Men) committed to educating gay guys about Acute HIV with the Hottest at the Start campaign. I love how attention grabbing this video is and the message it drives home.

This video is not for kids. Watch this only if you know what xtube is:

... So the video was automatically starting whenever someone loaded my blog page. Check it out here: http://checkhimout.ca/blogs/sexual-health/hottest-the-video

Soften the f*ck up

This is a great little campaign I learned about tonight. More videos available at http://softenthefckup.com.au/videos , including some really cool examples of guys that have softened the **ck up enough to talk and are now telling their stories for the benefit of other men.

What Does Pride Really Mean?

Courtesy of V-RAG June Edition

My July article is on LGBT Sports. Read it in print in the current edition of V-RAG Magazine.

Catch my health and wellness column in V-RAG Magazine. Pick it up in coffee shops and lobbies around town. www.v-rag.com

For those of you that cant, here is June's article :)

June is pride month

Sure, the parade isn't until the end of July, but 42 years ago, this month, the Stonewall riots occurred in New York City's Greenwich Village. Since then, June has been officially proclaimed as pride month in Canada and around the globe. With the celebrations still many weeks ahead, this month gives us the opportunity to remind ourselves of what pride is really about and to reconnect with its original roots.

The word PRIDE looks simple, but it represents a profound purpose in life. By definition it means to take pleasure or satisfaction from achievement. Pride can be a pillar of strength and a source of energy one calls upon to overcome challenges. For LGBT individuals, pride involves sharing a common sense of satisfaction which lends to camaraderie, the building of community, and acceptance among peers. I would argue that pride is essential to the maturity and mental health of all queer people. Pride is healing.

So what is the achievement we are so proud of?

Many gay individuals grow up feeling that they are flawed and unwelcome guests at the party. Whether this rejection is real or perceived, subtle or overt, perpetrated by strangers or close family members, this is our ‘gay trauma’ that we all share. It binds us. Many of us as adults still lack self esteem and a healthy ego. It is not uncommon to see queer adults overcompensate. Many feel that they need to make more money, become famous, live outrageously, be special, or do something extraordinary to be worthy of notice. Such achievements are not likely to lead to a positive end. They are the manifestations of what author, Alan Downs, calls our ‘Velvet Rage’. Feelings of worthlessness can be created in childhood, quite unintentionally, and these lead gay adults to search for unachievable perfection.

We see this material attitude in much of the more commercialized pride celebration. The Velvet Rage theory touches on this subject. “We put on this TV picture and what we show is: ‘I’m proud to be gay.’ Underneath that, we might be dying inside.” The achievement of money, success, fame, or glamour does not nurture a healthy pride.

Gay men are four times more likely to suffer from depression than straight men. In fact, nearly all queer individuals suffer at some point from low self esteem and it is often linked to a perception that one’s self-worth is linked to one’s appearance and material successes. To heal from this, both individually and as a community, the next phase in our evolution must be to create a culture that is livable, comfortable, and accepting. Celebrating our collective pride gives us this opportunity.

Our real achievements to be proud of are the pain and trauma we have overcome, the fact that we love ourselves, and our diverse and welcoming community. The root of pride season is celebration of diversity. By celebrating this gift, standing in solidarity, and demonstrating a healthy pride, we continue to achieve a progressively higher level of acceptance in our larger national and global communities.

Pride is something we should practice all year round, but use this month as an opportunity to examine what you are proud of. When pride weekend arrives, share your healthy achievements with others and contribute to the sense of camaraderie and support within our community. Many community organizations are putting forth efforts to foster a healthy pride celebration. If you are looking for a place to go after the parade this year, Health Initiative for Men will be hosting a wellness space in a large tent behind the ‘dust bowl’ area by the beach. Look forward to seeing you there!

Jason Keller

Counsellor & Client Care Coordinator,

Vancouver Coastal Health

Tips to Reduce Risk of Infection

Courtesy of V-RAG May Edition

My June article is on Pride and Velvet Rage. Read it in print in the current edition of V-RAG Magazine.

Catch my health and wellness column in V-RAG Magazine. Pick it up in coffee shops and lobbies around town. www.v-rag.com

For those of you that cant, here is May's article :)

Tips to Reduce Risk of Infection

The new work being done in the world of sex research tells us that we need to do more than just hand out condoms to prevent the spread of HIV and other STI’s. Many people still do not use condoms. Latex allergies, lack of sensation, and social or cultural factors are realities for some which prevent them from using condoms. So this month I decided to pass on some additional tips to reduce the risk of infection… and, no, I’m not talking about just putting in the tip.

Condom alternatives- Latex allergies are becoming more common. For these people, polyurethane condoms are readily available if you are willing to spend a little more at your local well stocked drug store. Polyurethane condoms do not stretch very well. Therefore, they may restrict a larger penis and slide off a thinner one. Choose the right size of condom for you or your partner. `

Know your lubes- Recent studies have shown that many water based lubes are toxic to rectal cells and can increase chances of infection by up to 3 times compared with other lubes. Silicone lube is arguably the safest, although about double the price. If you are using a condom, stay away from the Crisco. Oil based lube works well for anal play but it is corrosive and damaging to condoms. Check out the large selection of lubes at Little Sisters - 1238 Davie Street - and don’t be afraid to ask questions.

Don’t have sex while drunk or high- Think of this the same way you think of driving while drunk. It is just not smart. Make a commitment to yourself to have sex only when you are in the frame of mind to make intelligent and informed decisions.

Be assertive and ask questions- Check your self esteem, anxiety level, and impulse control. It is essential that you are comfortable and confident enough to ask the right questions. Ask about HIV status and STI’s. Your partner will respect you more for it. Be ready for rejection if your partner is not prepared to be honest. You should feel empowered to say no to sex. Don’t be manipulated. If you need help preparing your assertiveness, controlling your anxiety in social situations, building your self esteem, or dealing with rejection in the dating world, you might want to consider accessing some of the services which are made available to you. You are not alone.

HIM has professional counsellors, peer counsellors, and personal strategic advisors just waiting to help. Contact Hans Bosgoed (hans@checkhimout.ca) or by calling 604.488.1001

Get tested together- A sexual health checkup reduces ambiguity and can be like anything else potential sex partners do together. Show your commitment by seeing your doctor or visit a local STI testing clinic together.

- HIM Sexual Health Centre: 1033 Davie St, Suite 421- 4pm to 9pm Monday through Thursday

- Bute Street Clinic: 1170 Bute Street - 11am to 6:30pm Monday through Friday

Keep a buddy list- Limit your sexual encounters to partners you trust and you know have been tested. If you are not in a relationship, make an arrangement with a fuck buddy or fuck buddies. Make sure these are people who will be honest with you and respect your choices.

Clean sex toys- HIV dies immediately when exposed to oxygen. However, it has been known to survive in the pores of objects such as silicone sex toys. Other viruses and microorganisms can also survive on a silicone surface. Wash your toys after you use them with a heavily diluted bleach solution. Rinse thoroughly.

Jason Keller

Outreach Counsellor and Client Care Coordinator,

Vancouver Coastal Health

The Underwear Affair

Courtesy of V-RAG: April edition

My May article is on tips to reduce risk of sexually transmitted infection - going beyond condoms. Read it in print in the current edition of V-RAG Magazine.

Catch my health and wellness column in V-RAG Magazine. Pick it up in coffee shops and lobbies around town. www.v-rag.com

For those of you that cant, here is April's article :)

Spring ahead – April is Running Month

Let’s face it, the elliptical machine feeds on your will to live. Those things are completely soul destroying. The other day, as I pushed, pulled, and glided in the gym, I realized that was staring at the sun out the window. What was I doing? It’s spring. I should be running outside!

We live in a city which offers beautiful scenery to run in. With the Sun Run fast approaching on April 17th, I thought I would write about the specific health benefits of running to see if I can get more people out onto the seawall. We know running will keep you slim, trim, and heart healthy. But, what are some of the less obvious benefits of running?

Aging Relief - Running is estimated to improve your quality of life by 16 years due to all its health benefits. Running also nourishes the skin and pampers your glow. It will keep you looking and feeling younger.

Prevents Degeneration - Running will prevent muscle and bone loss by maintaining uniformity in your body tissues. It is recommended as a preventative measure for osteoporosis, a disorder which disproportionately affects lesbian women. Running also stimulates the growth of brain cells and delays the onset or progression of some neurodegenerative diseases like Alzheimer's disease.

Healing and Immune benefits - Running helps in improving the process of blood clotting and thus, provides protection against a number of injuries. Also, during moderate exercise such as running, immune cells circulate through the body faster and are better able to kill bacteria and viruses. Consistent, regular exercise makes these immune changes longer lasting.

Lowers Diabetes and Hypertension Risk – Both of these are conditions of balance. In the case of diabetes, running burns the surplus amount of sugar present in blood, keeping the blood clean to lead a healthy life. Running also helps lower blood pressure by balancing a number of factors which are responsible for hypertension.

Meet New People through Running – Having a running buddy or running with a group is a great motivator and a great way to develop a sense of community. There are two groups in our community who are working together to provide safe and social running and walking opportunities;

HIM: Health Initiative for Men have coordinated a gay men’s ‘learn to run’ group which meets every Sunday at noon under the Burrard street bridge to the east of the Aquatic Centre. Call 604 488 1001 ext 224 or see the details at www.checkhimout.ca under the ‘Physical Health’ link.

Vancouver Frontrunners: This group of LGBT runners and walkers of all levels meet on Wednesday evenings (6:30pm at the roundhouse) and Saturday mornings (9am at the Brockton oval) - http://vancouverfrontrunners.org . Frontrunners emphasize the social aspect of fitness and gather for food and good conversation afterward.

Gain Confidence: Set a Goal or Run for a Cause – Running can be a great way to build confidence and make progress in your life. I have known people who are grieving to find comfort in simply putting one foot in front of the other to move forward. For others, it is a process of challenging oneself to set meaningful goals and reach new heights. A great way to set a goal is to train and run in an event like the Sun Run. The Sun Run happens April 17^th this year. If you like the thought of taking your pants off in public or if you need a while longer to train, run 10k at The Underwear Affair on July 9th – 604.734.CURE [2873]. Both of these events benefit the worthy cause of cancer research.

Queers and Addiction

Courtesy of V-RAG: March edition

My April article is on running and why it is so healthy, with information on local LGBT running groups and training - In honor of Sun Run month :) Read it in print in the current edition of V-RAG Magazine.

Catch my health and wellness column in V-RAG Magazine. Pick it up in coffee shops and lobbies around town. www.v-rag.com

For those of you that cant, here is March's article :)

I have typed the words “gay men” or “lesbians” into Google many times in my life for one reason or another. Once I get past the porn, the most common search results I see are those referencing clubs, bars, and parties around town. Are we really a population of party crazed alcoholics as my computer would have us believe? The popular opinion is that drugs and alcohol are an uncommonly large problem in our community. Publications in the 70’s and 80’s suggested that 20-30% of individuals identifying as lesbian or gay had trouble with alcohol or drugs. Is this true even now?

It seems that individuals in some subcategories of the LGBT community are at higher risk for problematic substance use. For example, at the change in millennium, we saw a dramatic spike in crystal meth use among gay men.

Many professionals have recently attempted to conjure theories as to why addiction is more prevalent in the LGBT community without much success. I read a report that suggested gay youth turn to drugs and alcohol because they are simply exhausted from avoiding harassment and tired of trying to be invisible. A different study tried to link the concept of alienation and powerlessness to a tendency to abuse substances; assuming that LGBT persons are generally alienated or powerless. What they found was that queer individuals actually scored lower on measures of powerlessness. A surprise to the researchers. The concept that all LGBT individuals have a significantly greater likelihood of abusing alcohol or other drugs is under increasing scrutiny. So why the change?

As a counsellor, I believe that behavioural tendencies such as addiction are often the result of developmental influence and sometimes trauma. Historically, lesbian, gay, bisexual or gender-queer kids lacked a proper peer group and didn’t have parents that empathised with the identity struggles we experienced. That was then.

Today, as we work toward a brighter future, many lesbian, gay, bisexual, or gender-queer kids and adults alike have an opportunity for gay-affirming peers and family. A conservative estimate puts the LGBT population in Vancouver at 20,000 people. We are a small city in ourselves. The cure to escapism, alienation, and the trauma of struggling with ones identity is a supportive and active community which provides the guidance and camaraderie one needs.

Groups such as the Health Initiative for Men (www.checkhimout.ca) are building on this support by promoting the concept of gays helping gays. Ours is a diverse community with a million interests. More forums are developing to explore this diversity. We are moving beyond the bars and the parties. Our helping relationships and social venues are more varied.

Regardless of the degree to which drug and alcohol use has permeated the LGBT culture, there is no doubt that many queer individuals are among the tens of thousands of Canadians who suffer from alcoholism and other addictions.

Many LGBT individuals have found success in standard rehabilitation programs. I would not argue that queer persons struggling with addiction need anything more than this. These services simply need to be gay-affirming and run by LGBT individuals or allies of the LGBT community. One such publicly accessible program in our community is the Vancouver Addictions Matrix Program (VAMP). VAMP offers group therapies geared toward gay men and queer persons challenged by addiction. If you are struggling with addiction in any form, seek help from professionals within your community. We are out there and we understand what you are going through. Get in touch with a healthcare professional you are comfortable with and talk about help that works for you.

Courtesy of:

V-Rag

- Jason Keller, Outreach Counsellor and Client Care Coordinator, Vancouver Coastal Health

There is now good treatment for HIV. But where is the treatment for the way the rest of us think?

Feeling inspired by my work today:

HIV is a disease. It is an infection, a syndrome, an illness, a disorder, a condition threatening human life. It is an epidemic, a social crisis, an economic catastrophe, a political challenge, a human disaster.

HIV is known. It has been analyzed assessed assayed tested measured surveyed considered reflected documented depicted exhaustively described. Our knowledge of it is clear and precise.

HIV is unknown. It is guessed estimated projected approximated sketched debated disputed controverted hidden obscured.

Still it is a mere fact, an event, a circumstance, a happening, a reality as present as the ocean or the moon.

There is now good treatment for HIV, but where is the treatment for the way the rest of us think?

All Sex is Healthy

Courtesy of V-RAG: February edition

My March article is on Addiction in the LGBT Community - Read it in print in the current edition of V-RAG Magazine.

Catch my health and wellness column in V-RAG Magazine. Pick it up in coffee shops and lobbies around town. www.v-rag.com

For those of you that cant, here is February's Article :)

All Sex is Healthy

I think we can all agree that sex is fun. You might think of simple pleasure, erotic relief, or intimacy with your partner when you fantasize about dancing the horizontal mambo. But did you know that sex improves your health? There is a lot of good information out there on sexually transmitted infections and the necessity for safe sex, but there is something about the way that information is presented that makes it easy for one to think of sex as taboo. What about the benefits of sex? The truth is that, when it’s done right, sex is good for you.

Sex Boosts Immunity – Doctors measure your immune systems strength by levels of something called Immunoglobulin A (IgA) in your blood. IgA detects pathogens and calls on the immune system to destroy them. Studies have shown that individuals with a higher level of sexual activity have higher levels of IgA in their systems then those who abstain. Sexual activity exercises your immune system and, much like your muscles, your immune system gets stronger when it is used.

Sex Reduces Risk of Prostate Cancer in Men – In 2004, an 8 year study showed that high rates of ejaculation decreased the prevalence of prostate cancer by one third. This works by clearing toxins from the tissue and micro deposits from the ducts of the prostate.

Sex Prevents Alzheimer’s and Osteoporosis in Women – Sex has the same effect as Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT) for women in that it increases the body’s level of Estrogens. HRT has been found to decrease ones chances of being afflicted by Osteoporosis or Alzheimer’s disease.

Sex Reduces Pain – Sex has the ability to reduce physical pain to the point of irrelevancy. During sex the sensations you are experiencing trigger your brain to send chemical messages to your endocrine system and endorphins are released. The endorphin release is highest during climax, but they stick around afterward and continue to have a pain relieving effect.

Sex Burns Calories – Our bodies can burn about 13 calories for each minute of sex. 20 sweaty minutes will burn over 250 calories. That beats the treadmill.

Guys, if you find yourself lacking a partner to burn those calories with, you might want to try working up a sweat in a different way. Health Initiative for Men has free yoga classes on Friday nights and regularly runs fitness groups for various levels of ability. Check it out at www.checkhimout.ca

Sex Relieves Stress – People who have more frequent sex have been shown to have a lower baseline blood pressure and a lower negative biological response to major life stressors such as public speaking. This seems to suggest that you might fare better in big presentations at the office or important exams if you have sex more often. Stress is also eased through proper sleep. This brings me to my next point.

Sex Helps Sleep – Soothing, sensual sex right before bed can be a great sleep promoter. Vigorous sexual activity during the day also promotes sleep for the same reasons that exercise during the day does. When the endorphins leave your system, a compound is released in the brain that actually promotes sleep.

It is evident that it does not matter what your sexuality is to enjoy the health benefits of sex. All sex has adaptive value because it is an important part of what balances our biology. A rigorous romp can do wonders for you both physically and psychologically. Now you can tell your partner that sex is not just fun, but your lives may depend on it.

-Jason Keller, Outreach Counselor and Client Care Coordinator, Vancouver Coastal Health

* Read other informative mens health articles at www.checkhimout.ca *

7 Tips For a Depression-Free Vancouver Winter

Has it really been 4 months since I wrote in here? It's a little sad, but I have been busy making waves elsewhere in my life. I am going to try to write here more. For now I will plagiarize myself and leave you with an article I wrote in December... because I'm lazy. You can now read my monthly Health and Wellness column in V-RAG magazine. Pick it up in coffee shops, book shops, and lobbies around town or check it out here:

http://www.v-rag.com/archives.php

SAD? 7 Tips For a Depression-Free Vancouver Winter

Many people, after a few months of very little sun, find themselves thinking that life is just divided between the horrible and the more miserable. It’s natural to an extent.

Health surveys have found that depression is one of the most serious health concerns facing the queer community today. Are you depressed? Depression differs from natural sadness in that it is a very persistent feeling of unhappiness. The symptoms can be emotional or physical. Is your sleep disrupted? Do you have trouble concentrating? Do you feel persistently hopeless? Talk to your doctor. If your trigger is the winter gloom, your doctor might call it Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). Whether you are depressed or just want to take preventative steps to stay healthy, here are some tips to get you living life to the fullest.

1) Replace the sun and take Vitamin D - High dose Vitamin D (2000IU per day or equivalent) will help your body produce substances called catecholamines which help with mood. Vitamin D works together with sunlight. So get a tanning package. Yup, I’m recommending tanning to help with depression. Just don’t overdo it! You might also try a light therapy device. These provide harmless bright light which has been proven to increase mood in people who are sunlight deprived.

2) Eat lots of greens – Leafy green vegetables increase the amount of folate in your system. This will help your body produce serotonin, a neurotransmitter which boosts your mood. Drop the coffee and replace it with vegetable juices. Dehydration can also mimic depressive symptoms.

3) Get regular sleep – Too much sleep is just as detrimental to your mood as not enough. The real key is to get your regular 6-8 hours at the same time each night. Don’t provide your body with more challenges by messing with your internal clock and your body’s cycles.

4) Exercise – Keeping your blood flowing goes a long way to helping depression. Your routine doesn’t have to include hardcore gym workouts. Go for a walk or just dance around in your living room. I bet you have never felt worse after a little bit of exercise.

5) Socialize and make friends – Studies show that the number of quality friendships one has is an important determinant of health. Isolation is a bit of an issue with some queer folks. Begin by attending events in a safe social environment. Guys, kill two birds with one stone. Try attending Gay Men’s Yoga on Friday nights at Scotiabank Dance Centre provided by HIM. Pay by donation. Details at www.checkhimout.ca

6) Relax and unwind – Free your mind every once in a while. Stress contributes to depression and confuses recovery. Consider meditating. Phone QMUNITY at 604 684-5307 to ask about their weekly mindfulness group or look up your local Shambhala centre. Use this time to reacquaint with your fundamentals. Knowing yourself and your direction is essential to cultivating hope.

7) Seek Counselling – Counsellors can provide a well needed perspective. Cognitive and psychodynamic therapies are proven effective in treatment of depressive symptoms. You may have an EAP program through work or extended health benefits which will cover the cost. There are also community agencies which provide low cost counselling services.

- Jason Keller, Community Counsellor, Vancouver Coastal Health