Sometimes the things we fear the most are what make us the happiest

Fear of failure takes many forms, but it usually comes down to one thing: not trying. How does fear of failure manifest itself? Procrastination: We put off doing things in order to avoid the imagined pain of doing them. Our subconscious does not like vulnerability.

In the past, fear served humans well. Fear kept us safe from predators, the elements, and other humans. When venturing out into new lands, we had to be especially careful. Tigers and hostile tribes lurked in the bushes, waiting until the prime moment to pounce. By creating scenarios and imagining these threats, the brain made us keep our guard up; it’s easier to fight when your weapon is at the ready.

Now, at least in the developed world, we have little to fear from predators and enemies, but the brain continues to conjure threats and dangers. We are adaptive, though. Even in progress nature brings us toward balance. Culture has created a traditions for us which encourage us to conquer our fears. Playing life safe isn't the key to happiness. Fear of failure is worse then failure itself.

This is the time of year to put away those fears and really challenge yourself. Make some new years resolutions. Take a long honest look at the procrastination which has been playing itself out in your life. Make a plan to conquer your fear and challenge yourself to move beyond your current limits.

History is filled with people who ‘failed.’ You’ve probably heard these stories a million times, but just in case…

-Michael Jordan failed when he tried out for his high school basketball team.
-Thomas Edison failed 10,000 times before invented the light bulb.

-Robert Pirsig failed 121 times to find a publisher for Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance.

As for happiness... Take a look back and have a little nostalgia at the end of the year. Allow yourself to fall deeper for the things you love and the people you love. When you're less fearful, you're more open to deep love and the vulnerability needed for it.

Alberta Christmas 2009

Merry Christmas to all my friends and family!

Hello and Merry Christmas from Vancouver... Or from around the corner, depending who you are. I write these every year, but this is the first year I have had a blog to write in. So here's what is going on with me. If you are reading this, I value you in my life. Let me know what is going on with you and how I can be a part of it all in 2010. That is what this is all about.

Another year come and gone, another year to look forward to. I have to say that this year was a great improvement on previous years. For those of you who know me well, you know that this year started out with the biggest scare of my life where in I was confronted with my own mortality for the first time. I am happy to say that I came through this as a much stronger person. In the end 2009 is recorded in my mind as the best year I have had in recent memory. The beginning of this year was a wake up call, at the very least. Most importantly, I gained perspective on life which most people don't have until their more wiser years. Does this make me wiser and more mature? Maybe, but probably not. I'm as immature as I always was and I hope that stays with me for a while, I like it. I do, however, see things differently. I have learned to appreciate the little things, to figure out what I really want, commit, and go for it. I am more driven, but also a much calmer person then I once was. Basically, the drama and fears one has as barriers in everyday life aren't worth the time we spend on them. The meaningful things in life are those that bond us closer to our loved ones and there is nothing more important then truth, altruism, and defying our ego's in maintaining relationships, whether they are personal or professional.

I have been doing a lot of meditating this year and attending a Shambhalla centre in Vancouver. This has helped me gain control of my own pride and clear my mind in order to have perspective in both my work and personal life, decision making, and just simply allowed me to be a calmer, more thoughtful individual.

I took a job in the mental health field and have gotten away from case managing people with disabilities. It was a pay cut, but I need experience in mental health if I am to complete my masters in clinical psychology and have a career as a counselor. I work with people with mental health and addictions issues in a concurrent disorders hospital facility. I am learning a lot, humbling myself, and gaining a lot of experience. It is challenging due to how sick these people are, their level of despiration, the sad outcomes which outnumber the success stories, and the fact that the patients I work with are one step away from the infamous blood alley in the DTES of Vancouver. We are running under a harm reduction philosophy and the first of our kind in North America so we learn more each day. It's a long process which requires patience and it will be another four years before we are fully meeting our mandate, but we are doing good work.

I have also been able to take the time this year to really decide what I want from life. I will be going to Seattle University for my masters in Clinical Counselling in the fall. The cost of a Masters Degree is assinine, but I will find a way. I will shortly after set up a practice based in the balance of mind and body. I hope to run it out of a housing project which I have done a business plan for and received good feedback on so far. The PhD will come later, but do hope to write and teach in my latter career and never actually retire.

I am staying fit as usual and eating much differently as I had to change my diet after surgery. I'm doing cheesy things like using a light therapy device to counteract the lack of light here in Vancouver during the rainy season... I will forever be a nerd. Side note: It snowed a little here the other day... Yikes! It is melted now, though, and I am still counting my blessings I am no longer in Alberta.

I went to Europe this summer for a month and had the time of my life. I hope to take another trip this year. Another thing I have discovered that I love is seeing other parts of the world. I have started to learn German and I hope to spend more time in Vienna. I would give my right arm to have European citizenship, but we'll see how it goes...

I am in Edmonton until the 22nd to see family, friends, and, of course, the puppies! If I don't tell you in person I wish you a peaceful holidays and a prosperous 2010!

Jason

For Cyndy... Happy Birthday!!

Sally O'Malley

Emily | MySpace Video

What is Reality?

So, what is our reality really? Isn’t it always a very limited view of what we are even actually experiencing around us? And that which we are aware of, is only our own minute impression of the world itself. Are any of our views then actually true in the absolute sense of the word, or are they all just our subjective impressions, based on an individual experience of what we are perceiving?

For example, a person may think that the Sun moves through their sky, and that the earth is stationary. Is this actually true? It may seem true for a person at the moment they make the observation, but how true is it from an absolute perspective of the universe? Can we even know what is the absolute perspective? In this example, from another perspective the earth appears to travel around the Sun.

Obviously, with this in mind, there are an infinite number of viewpoints possible at each moment, from an infinite number of perspectives; therefore there are an infinite number of existences, and in any absolute sense, existence itself is inexpressible. Can we actually experience existence then? Perhaps from the Zen perspective the question is, "Why do we not experience it?"

Zen says that if we entertain no personal version of what we think existence is, in other words, if we hold no subjective interpretation of what existence is, at the moment we are free of any notion at all, we will experience existence instantaneously, spontaneously.

Intuition vs. Ego

How do you tell the difference between what your intuition is telling you vs. what your ego is telling you? Which should you listen to?

Fear vs. fearlessness: False guidance is rooted in fear. Outside-in vs. inside-out: The ego requires external results in order to feel good. Scarcity vs. abundance: The ego assumes you live in a world of scarcity. Head vs. heart: The voice of ego remains stuck in your head. Intuition is heart-centered. Its guidance will make you feel joyful and uplifted.

Here are some specific examples to illustrate the difference:

• Intuition guides you to write a song from your heart. Ego wants you to write a song that will become a hit.
• Intuition guides you to ask someone on a date to share your happiness with someone. Ego pushes you to get a date so you won’t be alone.
• Intuition guides you to start a business that will help people. Ego urges you to start a business to get rich.
• Intuition guides you to forgive. Ego pushes you to seek revenge.

Notice that the actual guidance can be the same from either voice. Yet you’ll attract vastly different outcomes depending on the intention behind your actions. When you heed the voice of intuition, you invite the flow of greater love, inner peace, and abundance. When you heed the voice of ego, you invite more fear which fuels your drive for ever greater control. Both of these are unending cycles.

Which voice should you listen to?

There is no should. The choice is entirely yours to make. If you align your consciousness with fear-based thinking, meaning that you believe that the world is inherently unsafe and that you need control to feel secure, then you’ll be led by the voice of ego. You will take an outside-in approach to life, making the physical world primary and your inner world secondary. The central focus of your life will be to achieve security by gaining control over your external world. As an example, this is presently how the United States relates to the rest of the world: achieve greater and greater control in order to assuage fear.

If, however, you align with love, meaning that you believe you’re unconditionally safe here and that your true self can never really be harmed, then you’ll be led by the voice of intuition. You’ll take an inside-out approach to life, so your inner world will be primary and your outer world secondary. The central focus of your life will be joyful self-expression. As an example, this alignment was how Jesus and Buddha interacted with the world: express inner peace and joy outward through loving service.

Ignorance is Bliss

That is, your ignorance is the drug makers’ (and the medical equipment makers’) bliss.

This is really unbelievable:

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB123423024203966081.html

The drug and medical-device industries are mobilizing to gut a provision in the stimulus bill that would spend $1.1 billion on research comparing medical treatments, portraying it as the first step to government rationing.

Because freedom is all about laying out vast sums on medical treatments without knowing whether they’re actually doing any good.

Remember this the next time someone talks about “entitlement reform” (which will probably happen in the next three seconds or so.) Health care costs are the main reason long-term fiscal projections look so scary — and here we have corporate interest trying to prevent us, not from trying to spend our health dollar more wisely, but from even trying to find out what we get for the health care dollar.

This is truly vile.

Provincial Liberal Spin & Manipulation

I haven't posted in a while... But I was reading about the provincial Liberal's Arts funding cuts last night and got really into it.

Our provincial government could not be more manipulative. Cover-ups, spin, and 180 degre about faces on promises are the norm. They could care less about the truth. As long as voters are prevented from accessing real information and we forget about what they have done by the time we cast our votes in the next election. The sad part is their strategy will probably work.

The B.C. Ministry of Tourism, Culture and the Arts has removed all links to a report on the socio-economic impact of arts and cultural organizations from its website.

The report, Socio-Economic Impacts of Arts and Cultural Organizations in B.C; written in 2006 by G.S. Sandhu and Associates, was commissioned by what was then the Ministry of Tourism, Sports and the Arts.

Among its findings was that in return for spending $9,569,009 in grants to 300 arts and cultural organizations through the B.C. Arts Council, the government received $10,040,674 to $13,008,696 in provincial taxes—a figure often referred to by arts supporters as: every dollar invested in the arts generates between $1.05 and $1.36 in provincial tax revenues.

The study also found that for every dollar of initial expenditure, additional spending in the range of $0.57 and $0.87 was generated in the B.C. economy; and that for every direct job in the arts and cultural sector of B.C. between 1.32 and 1.52 jobs were created in the whole economy.
A ministry spokesperson confirmed that the report was removed approximately nine months ago from the government website.

Even though it no longer appears on the ministry website, a cached version of the Sandhu report is currently available online here:
http://www.tca.gov.bc.ca/arts_culture/docs/dec2006_socio_economic_impacts.pdf

Senator Kennedy/ Barack Obama

*Short blog 'cuz I'm writing from my phone...

Veteran US Senator Edward Kennedy, the brother of former President John F Kennedy, has died at 77, after a long battle with a brain tumour.

He became a Democratic Massachusetts senator in 1962, replacing his brother when he resigned to become president, and was re-elected seven times.

Senator Kennedy was a dominant force in US politics for almost 50 years.

President Barack Obama, of whom he was an active supporter, said he was "heartbroken" to hear of his death.
"An important chapter in our history has come to an end," he said. "Our country has lost a great leader, who picked up the torch of his fallen brothers and became the greatest United States senator of our time."

I actually decided to wrote this when reading about what president Obama said. I think I just need to say something about how impressed I am with him. His words are always so eloquent. You could take pretty much anything this guy says and quote it as something that could be repeated in a history book. I'm sure this was written for him, but still. He is definately one of the best orators of our time. Better then Churchill maybe. At least he's not too drunk on cognac so his speaches need to be faked on the radio by the same guy that did Winnie the Poo...

Barack is not all talk tho. That was the big question, wasn't it. He was unproven. He had so many good ideas and promises to make, but could he and would he live up. The answer is definitely yes. He is following through and setting an example at the same time. He IS 'the peoples president'. He is one of the people. I love that he has an ethnic name... It's perfect.

Good on ya America. What a quick switch that was. America is moving in a liberal direction, and Canadiams seem to be voting more conservative these days... 'Fucken Canadians'

You know what else is truly outrageous?...

Lol... Jem!

Bang, Bang, Bang

So I have been practicing meditation and I was taught to concentrate on my inner eye. When you see a thought coming you are supposed to block it or shew it away or something... If it helps, you can say something in your mind when you do this like "stop" or something.

So I was at work tonight and taking a sleep break and trying to clear my mind so I would fall asleep. I realized, only after I had already been doing it for a while, that I was shooting the thoughts and saying 'bang' in my head. The scene I was visualizing was from the Atari Asteroids game as the thoughts exploded into little colorful oversized-pixel chunks.

Just thought I would share how weird I am...

You Will Find Love

1) The path is not straight

2) Mistakes need not be fatal

3) People are more important then achievements or possessions

4) Be gentle with your parents

5) Never stop doing what you care most about

6) Learn to use a semicolon

7) You will find love.

Thanks Shawna!

Umm.. This is funny...

I was just reminded of this, watched it, and now I have to post :P

The EOS

This is the ship we sailed on through the Adriatic. Just found this picture. Thought I would share :P

Happiness

Knowledge is just the beginning...

Wisdom is the ability to use Knowledge to see the Truth
Creativity comes from Truth
Healing is having the Courage to confront the Truth

sometimes the Truth is Painful
Ego is Distraction
Ego blocks Truth

a Tibetan word used in Mindfulness teachings
"Shenluk" - the Denunciation of Distraction

Mindfulness is the key to Creativity, Wisdom, and Healing
Isn't this Happiness?

Am I Bitter?

Help me decide...

So it's Pride weekend in Vancouver... THIS popped up in the newsfeed on my facebook. Since I'm pretty sure Nathan isn't reading my blog, I'm sharing...

Funny? Absolutely!... Lol. Who wouldn't stop to watch a tranny barfing. That''s pure entertainment!! But something to be proud of? Definately no!

Pride weekend has become a no holds barred party mess-fest. The organizers should change the slogan to match the Vegas catch phrase. "What happens at pride, stays at pride" would be most appropriate. The last thing the majority of people who are coming here for the weekend intend on doing is anything that they should be proud of.

To each his own. However, this is a themed event meant to raise awareness of homosexual rights. I am embarassed to be counted among the same culture as what this weekend has come to celebrate. I AM proud to be gay. I am not proud of, and nor am I, partying all night, using drugs, peuking, and passing out in the street barely clothed.

It has become a messy, self-indulgent, ego-fest.

There are civil and respectable things happening this weekend; events meant to raise awareness of positive gay culture, but they are overshadowed by the above.

I was thinking maybe I was just bitter. I came up with the analogy of the 'Critical Mass' bike ride; a group of eco-anarchic bike riders who clog up the downtown core and bring traffic to a stand still one friday rush hour each month. Many cyclists do not count themselves among these protestors because they don't like the image it portrays, and they don't feel it is positively promoting their cause. I, however, when reading an article about this, had the opinion that 'critical mass' still had value because it is still raising awareness about a much suppressed subject. And 'bad press is better then no press'... Right?

I changed my mind when I was on my way to work yesterday and saw that Urban Barn was having a "Well Hung" sale for Pride weekend. For me, it has to do with the way the word GAY is perceived by the public. We are giving the wrong impression and, I believe, doing more harm to our cause then good. I'm willing to bet it never crossed the mind of the Urban Barn marketing department employee who came up with the idea for this sale that using that slogan in conjunction with Pride weekend to sell their products is promoting a stereotype and is offensive.

It is evident that we are promoting an idea of GAY that causes a crude sexual euphamism to come to mind when the word is brought up. This is not what we want. This is not what I want.

Being accepted is not the same as being respected.

A Day in Vancouver

South Africa's Celebration of Light Over English Bay

God or mother nature or Earth, however you want to think of it, responded tonight to our meager Celebration of Light with her own show of mighty power.

I think this is a fairly decent video of some of tonights fireworks over English Bay in this years Celebration of Light... Shot from a bit far away, but you can hear the music and see how the fireworks work with it. There will probably be better one's posted tomorrow, but I wanted to get this post off now. The show was competing with lightning and thunder. An extremely rare phenomenon here in Vancouver. Nobody expected a freak storm tonight. There was nothing in the forecast. The thing is, it's been scorching hot in Vancouver lately.

SOUTH AFRICA
Next night is the UK and after that China.

I really liked Canada's show and the Wizard of Oz theme, but this was special because it's almost like it brought a response from the skies... I weathered the rain to go out and see them and I intend to see the remaining two nights. Afterall, who can resist this sunset...

http://celebration-of-light.com/

That was a shot off some news site about the freak storm tonight, but this is a view from my condo... Iphone camera quality... Sorry, that's all I had on me...

*Repost* God Will Give You Happiness When You Realize You Already Have It

***Repost from Sailing. This didn't show up before because of an HTML error in my Michael Jackson Post. I deleted the problem... Now you can read my deep thoughts that I was having about 8 days in to the trip on the deck of the boat...


So, I’m sitting on the boat on the second last night of sailing. We’re docked in Makarska and there is a party going on in the distance somewhere. Hvar and Makarska turned out to be big spring break type party towns. Kind of Ibiza-like I guess. Things have cooled off a bit so I’m just sitting and relaxing and taking some time to reflect on what I have seen so far of this beautiful country.
I said I was going to take some time to reflect on my path in life while I was travelling. I’m only a quarter of the way in, but I have been doing a lot of reflecting. So what have I learned?
I’ve learned that I am not alone in my confusion. I’ve learned that I am among a billion other people who go travelling each year to find a little bit more of themselves. In fact there is a whole industry based around it. It’s called the travel industry… Lol.
So why am I special? Because I AM learning something. Everyone learns something I suppose, but what I am learning is special to me.
I have learned that the world is pretty much the same wherever you go when it comes right down to it. People are all basically striving for the same things and having the same frustrations. On different levels and in their own way, of course. But I have found it very easy to relate to all the people I have met so far on a very basic level. No matter the language or culture. This is something which I knew, I guess, but it took this trip to bring this to the forefront of my thought process. So what does this little gem of knowledge do for me? It tells me I can live anywhere. I’m not just stuck in my little Canadian, socialist, english box anymore. That’s a big deal when one is planning one’s future.
Another thing I have learned is that I need to enjoy myself along the way and be patient as things happen in my life. There is always betterment on the horizon, but that will come. For now I am what I am and I should enjoy it. They don’t do “take away” coffee here. You have to sit and drink it in the “caffe-bar”. So if I want to enjoy something good (and I definitely do want to enjoy the coffee here), I have to stop and really enjoy it. I guess I should do the same in my life. Sometimes it’s all about perspective and how can I have perspective if I’m on the go all the time. How can I give something the attention it needs if I don’t stop and enjoy it. Also, Croatia is a developing tourist attraction. It is up and coming. They are not Italy yet. They know this here. But they don’t try to be something they are not. They just enjoy it as it happens. They do their job and do it well. They know they will get there. But they enjoy what they have and let life happen. I suppose I should have a plan. But I’m learning to just let life happen and enjoy it as it does.
Back to Split tomorrow. Looking forward to it. I really enjoyed the Diocletian palace. I’ll try and find an internet café. Upload these last 6 blog entries and then hit the beach. Vienna, Paris, Dublin, and Amsterdam are next. And they are not beach destinations.
*Sigh*… Croatia… I am seriously scouring real estate prices and Slavic universities online when I get home. I wonder if I’ll say that about every country on this trip…

*Repost* Baby`s First Handshake

***Repost from Dubrovnik. This didn't show up before because of an HTML error in my Michael Jackson Post. I deleted the problem... Now you can read my lovely little commentaryt on the pretty flowers in Croatia. :)

So the vegetation here has very unexpectedly caught my attention. It’s different, of course. Maybe that’s why. I have made up my own names for some of the flowers here. This one I’ve dubbed Baby’s First Handshake. Bonus points if you know where I got that from...

River surfing in Munich

Diocletian Palace Square, Split, Croatia

Birds in Split... Cats in Dubrovnik...

The Amazing Hedge Maze Race

Ok... so I didn't actually win... But if I post these video's in this order, it looks like I did... :P

Mass at Stevensplatz

Orchestral Concert in Vienna, Mozart and Strauss works... Then... Alex's Feet Moving to the Music

Alex's feet moving to the music... Lol?....

Panoramic View of Vienna State Opera House

Alex's mushed Chocolate

Boat on the Seine in Paris going under Ponte Neuf

Centre of the Louvre Palace in Paris

One Man Boat Band on the Canals in Amsterdam

The Flying Pig

This is the party place I stayed at in Amsterdam. Notice the pot smoking/ chill room to the right of the DJ. This place was fun... But it stunk and was dirty and noisy. Not a comfortable place to stay if yuo intend on sleeping...

Videos

This site is totally slow when uploading videos so I have devised the solution of uploading to my YouTube account and the embedding them here. Waaaay faster... Now I can share my video's. Yay!

I'll start posting with the video's from the end of my trip and work through to the ones at the beginning because people usually read top down and that way you'll see them in order :P

I also found out what has been going on with the formatting issues in Safari and Internet explorer (missing content etc...), and I'll try and fix those ASAP...

I AMsterdam

Amsterdam is the home of cool stuff...

I toured some design houses in the arts district on the way to the one mile market...



I want this truck....
And I'll park my wee little truck by my house.... on the water...
I almost got arrested for taking this picture... I didn't realize I was in the Red Light District... It's only a vibrator store...


What did I do here? I met a few people in the dirtiest but funnest hostel ever. I toured the sites a little bit. Westerkerk Bell Tower, Ann Frank’s house, the Mile Long Market, and the Van Gogh Museum. Apparently, Amsterdam is the city with the most museums in the world. There is a museum for everything. A sex museum even… Lol...

The Van Gogh Museum...



They’re really easy going here. Everyone speaks English, but when just speaking with each other, they speak Dutch. I know absolutely no Dutch. It sounds kinda silly to me. I’m sure I would get used to it and if people who are Dutch are reading this I mean no offense, but you sound like the noises I would make when I talked to my dogs… jk ...

Forget the red light district. It’s a little morally disgusting and depressing, even for me. This is also kinda a party city. People come here because they are allowed to smoke weed. At least they’re not all drunk. I didn’t do any of that, but it was fun to be in a really free atmosphere.

***I had yet another video to put here which I couldn't upload... This site sucks foor uploading video's... So slow.. I'm gonna try to upload toi my youtube account and then embed them here. Stay tuned...

The westerkerk bell tower...

Amsterdam is the museum capital of the world...
Canals and architecture...
As far as being the winner of the cities contest… This one doesn’t beat Paris either. The canals are really cool, the people are great, there is really good shopping, etc… etc…, but the weather isn’t that great.

Mostly I just walked around the canals and thought a lot. Nothing like a totally different environment to stimulate thought. This is also my vacation, I remembered, so I should do some vacationing.

So what did I think about??

Top 10 Things about Amsterdam

So I continued on alone to Amsterdam. It’s here that my journey ends. But not yet… I’m enjoying this city so far. I feel like I’m walking around in a Dahli painting. I’m staying at a hostel that a bit dingy, but super-cool (The flying Pig). This city is so surreal… And I’m not even smoking the weed


For now… This...

10) Every segment of society rides a bicycle. Young, old, rich, poor, black, white. I love beautiful people on bicycles. Get on this America.

9) I couldn’t make out what was so different, then I realized, no advertisements anywhere. At the occasional bus stop. Otherwise completely clean. Very refreshing and calming.

8) In 2008, a tobacco smoking ban was introduced in Dutch cafes and restaurants, but you are still allowed to smoke marihuana and hash in Dutch coffee shops - if only you don't mix it with regular tobacco… That's bad for you, you see...

7) There are bars and ‘coffee shops’ on every block… without exception!

6) Anne Frank house hysterically overrated and bad. I can see why she spent so much time complaining... Bo-Ring... She would have had a better time if she would have hidden at the Rembrandt house, who as far as I know made it through WWII unscathed...

5) Fast food places have vending machines where you can just put in coins and take out pre-made hot food.

4) Paprika flavored Lays potato chips.

3) Very high British people are kind of adorable, but a Dutch person talking to himself while riding through the red light district on his bicycle is a bit weird…

2) This city is comprised of twisting interlocked concentric circles. It’s like walking in a gyroscope where every step forward you take, the sun moves to a random far flung part of the sky. Also, on an unrelated note… You’re high...

….. drumroll…….....

1) I didn’t get a blowjob from a prostitute even though no one would have ever known. Look who’s all grown up!.. Lol...